The One For Me

Whenever I look around me and find people getting support and love of their family, friends and loved ones, I often think and try to figure this out that "Is there no one in this whole wide world who could be my support pillar, who could stand beside me in all thicks and thins." But then the soul answers all my confusions, that Dear there are some people who have so many supports with them, they basicaly come to take love of parents, relatives and friends. But there are few who come to this world to live a lonely life. Such people don't get anyone in their whole life whom they can call them as their own.

But then again a question pops out from within my mind and that is, "Why The Great God chose this category for me, why not the other way round.?"

Looking past, into my childhood, I have always heard voices like," Don't do this to him/her, you should be aware that you are older." Nobody bothered about the feelings of this lil girl. Anyone could come to my parents and say anything about me, and they would start taking me for granted. All the time I used to look for those eyes, which I used to hope will look into mine and wil say, "Don't worry, I am here and I will see who castes a bad eye on 'My Deepali'

Days gone by, years gone by, the journey of life made me a wife, daughter in law, and then a mother, but my search was incomplete. At last after 31 years of my life I found someone whom I thought as "My Angel".

I got everything from him, love, respect, understanding, and all that I could wish for in this world. Time flew by, they are right , the time spent in love always flew away soon, in a hurry.
It tested our love, on hot metals, boiling waters, but it was adamant, I started feeling secure under that warmth.
My Angel gave me everything, Mothers touch and care, dad's concern, a siblings naughty pranks, a friends suggestions and straight forward answers, a teachers lessons and of course a lovers adoration.I was a complete woman. Under his protection I started to flourish and bloom. He protected me from the evils of this world by covering me with his Wings of love and security.
I was the happiest woman.

But then came a big testing time. This was the time where I needed a person who should stand by me, and I was pretty sure the time has come, The Almighty has given me that person now, who will show the world, not to say anything to My Deepali. All confident I started the journey to face the world, But then, what was this? I was again alone, lonely looking here and there for someone, for those two 'EYES who would look at me with love and assure me of their presence, Two Hands who would hold mine and say, "Mein hoo Na".

But no, that was not the case, people's acquisitions went on cutting my throat, my nerves and straight to my soft heart, but that look and touch was nowhere to be seen. I found myself standing alone again at the aisle where there was deep waters on both sides, where to go was uncertain. My heart was crying in pain and agony but no one came to wipe the tears, no one.

The blooded heart cried a lot, it was shattered, into small, tiny pieces never to be mended. I asked God, why, why he has not made a single heart who could beat only for me, a single hand which could be fitted in only my clinched fist, a single glance who could only look at me or at the same direction where I look at. WHY? WHY? WHY?

YOU have made 'ONE' for everyone, buy why not for me. I am still yearning to hear that voice who could say" Dont you dare say anything to her, she is not alone I am with her"

But now I think my search is finished, That feeeling has vanished.
Enough of this world, people will come and go, but no one will be courageous enough to be at my side, they have pierced my heart so often, now it has become immune. The heart cries, always, Yes I mean it always, but the world see only my smiles and giggles. I will never ever show and expose the real side of myself, the agony and pain of my heart, my sufferings, my tears but will always be a happy and contended one in front of everyone coz now I know that no one is made for me, no one. God sent me alone to face the dangers and testings of this world. So why should I wait for someone now when no body is made for me.

But I will never forget the life that I spent with my Angel, he made me live a whole life in one year. He is simply the best. May be he will have his own problems which disabled him to stand by me. No worries, Angel no grudges against you. You are simply the best. I cant afford to hate you.

But one thing is sure for now, Now I will not look for such a hand or a pair of eyes. Now I am aware that I am ALONE, ALONE AND ALL ALONE.